My Wedding Blog

Being a Good Listener

01/06/2012 10:45:00

A wonderful comment I received after a wedding came from the mother of the bride who said to me, “You made it seem as if you have known my daughter all her life.” I had meet with the bride and groom once before the wedding, learned the story behind their relationship, and presented it during my personal remarks section of their wedding ceremony.

There is no secret to doing this well other than to be a good listener. I spent many years as a high school counselor and mediator and quickly learned that the key to being a good counselor is being a good listener, easy to say, but often difficult to do. Being a good listener means being an active listener, a special method of listening and responding to other people. Often when people talk to each other, they do not listen attentively, as they are distracted, thinking about something else, or thinking about what they will say next.

An active listener attends to the speaker fully, comprehends and retains what is being said, and then in his own words repeats what the speaker has said, ensuring that he has correctly heard what the speaker has said and meant.

I use aspects of this important counseling technique to fully listen to you when we meet – to find out what is important to you for your marriage ceremony and most importantly to find out about you and your relationship. Every relationship is unique, special, and deserves to be celebrated on your wedding day. I look forward to meeting you and learning about yours.

A Wonerful Venue for a Wedding

12/04/2011 17:57:00

Looking for an unusual, distinctive venue for your wedding? Check out the Methuen Memorial Music Hall, www.mmmh.org The building houses “The Great Organ”, once the largest organ in the country and is truly spectacular. The hall was designed by the English architect Henry Vaughan, who began the Washington Cathedral, and will impart dignity and grace to your ceremony.

I officiated at a wedding there in October. The acoustics are fabulous and the staff of volunteers does a wonderful job. Your guests are certain to be wowed by the surroundings and having an organist playing for them is special.

he Music Hall is available for your ceremony, only. They do not allow liquor on the premises and your reception needs to be held elsewhere. Do check it out – I would love to do your ceremony there!

Rehearsals

09/22/2011 13:01:00

I often get asked whether rehearsals are necessary. They are certainly not necessary for me. I am comfortable walking into any venue and performing a wedding.as is often the case for the small, intimate weddings where I meet the couple for the first time. Earlier this week I performed a lovely wedding at a beautiful horse barn -- no bridal party and with a simple, beautiful ceremony, no rehearsal was necessary.

But for larger weddings I love to have a rehearsal. The rehearsal allows us to accomplish many things, but most importantly, everyone involved is much calmer for the wedding as all know where to go and how to stand. As well as practicing the processional and recessional, the rehearsal enables me to cover some subtle nuances with the couple which will make their wedding even more special such as how I want them to interact with me in the early part of the ceremony, but to focus only on each other during the exchange of vows and rings. I over how we will be doing their vows to make certain that their guests hear them saying their vows, not me. I also show them how to hold their hands when exchanging rings to give their photographer the best chance of getting a wonderful picture. Finally, I also explain duties to the Best Man -- having the rings loose, not in boxes, and how I want them handed to me -- and to the Maid of Honor -- arranging the bride's dress, taking her bouquet, and remembering to give it back to her for the recessional, often forgotten.

The most difficult thing about rehearsals is starting them on time. They are often on Friday nights, people are coming from work, and traffic can be difficult. Finally, people are not compelled to be on time for a rehearsal the way they are for a wedding. If you are thinking of a rehearsal, consider all these factors as you schedule it.

Harry -- Our newest greyhound

08/07/2011 10:52:00

Recently, we have had a number of older greyhounds returned to the kennel. Dogs are returned for a variety of reasons – their owner may be sick or have passed away, may be moving and unable or unwilling to take the dog, life circumstances may have changed, or the owner may be unwilling to deal with the issue of having an older dog. Whatever the reason, I am glad that Greyhound Friends is there to provide a safe haven for these dogs.

Often these dogs are bewildered and depressed by their return to a kennel, but we give them extra love and care and try to get them readopted as soon as possible. We also have a network of adopters who specialize in taking older dogs home.

Two weeks ago Harry, nearly ten years old, was returned to the kennel for the second time. His behavior at home had been flawless but his owner decided that she was too busy to care for him. Harry is a tall, beautiful white and red brindle boy whom I well-remembered from his previous time in the kennel. He settled in but was clearly not happy.

Last Monday Harry came home with us. Ky and I decided that he had been through enough and he needed a forever home. Our current pack has been kind and welcoming and Harry has been slowly learning the house routine and his new canine companions. Although five dogs can be a handful to manage, we are happy to have Harry and to give him the home he deserves for his geriatric years.

If you are thinking of adopting, consider an older dog like Harry. We always have a few at Greyhound Friends. They are easy to adopt as they already know house routines and will reward you with gratitude and love during their remaining years.

How Early To Book A JP

07/27/2011 13:43:00

I hate to say no, but it seems that I am saying that a lot these days. “I’m sorry, but no, I am not available for that date.”

I am often asked how soon one should book a Justice of the Peace. The simple answer is as soon as you have selected a date and determined a venue. Too often the JP is the last person booked, behind the photographer, DJ, caterer, and even the florist. Yet the person who is marrying you is keystone in your wedding ceremony. Don’t you want to have the person who is your first choice rather than the person you have to take?

I always try to accommodate last minute requests, but sometimes that is impossible, especially in the fall, usually the busiest time for weddings in New England.

I actively book a year and sometimes more ahead and already I am filling in dates for 2012 and meeting with couples planning next year’s weddings.

No matter whom you select to officiate at your wedding, book as soon as possible for the best chance to get the person you want, the person who is going to create a meaningful, memorable wedding ceremony for you.

Le Tour de France -- my ride

07/19/2011 12:52:00

During a busy July when not doing weddings and meeting with prospective clients, I spend time watching the Tour de France on television. I have always been a fan of this three week long spectacle, but it has had an even more special meaning since my visit to the tour eight years ago.

In 2003 I traveled to France with four of my closest friends and our bikes. We were initially centered in Alps at the base of the famed L’ Alpe d’ Huez, one of the legendary climbs of the tour with its 21 switchbacks. We arrived two days before the tour and immediately unpacked our bikes and started up the mountain in the 95 degree heat of that extraordinarily hot summer.

The climb 13.3km long with 21 turns and an average 8.6 percent grade, with the 10th kilometer the steepest at 11.5 percent and there is no way that the steepness of the climb can be conveyed on television. As you ride onto the mountain, the first section looms in front like a steep wall, but the switchbacks are relatively flat and you can get off to rest if necessary. I made it to the top and two days later enjoyed watching the tour riders as they attacked the mountain.

We rode up L”Alpe twice and did other climbs in the area following the tour for a few days before traveling to Provence. It was the trip of a lifetime, and the memories are precious, especially since I lost one of my dear friends with whom I traveled last December.

This year’s tour rides L’Alpe d”Huez on Friday, July 22. Catch it on Versus. I’ll be watching for sure.

Next time – back to weddings.

Location, location, location

06/08/2011 11:37:00

To be successful, your wedding does not have to be in the swankiest, and most expensive, hotel in Boston. Thankfully, there are many beautiful venues throughout Massachusetts, some free, to hold your wedding. Following, in no particular order, are a few of my favorite non hotel venues, some well-known, some not, some geared for large ceremonies, some only for small, some expensive, some inexpensive or free. Most can be seen on my website on the FAQ page

The Fruitlands Museum, Harvard – gorgeous views of the Nashoba Valley

The Codman Estate, Lincoln – beautiful garden for an outdoor ceremony

Gibbet Hill Farm, Groton – wonderful location for inside or out

Crane Estate, Essex – breath taking

The Lodge at Fort Pond, Littleton – rustic, on the water, and inexpensive

Mt. Wachusett, Princeton – ride the ski lift to the top after the ceremony

The Old North Bridge, Concord – you can’t get married on the bridge and you will need a permit

Acton Arboretum, Acton – free to use, but need to be contacted

The Arnold Arboretum, Jamaica Plain – also free with many beautiful spots

Nashoba Valley Winery, Bolton – wonderful spot

Wayside Inn, Sudbury – The Martha Mary Chapel is truly special at this historic inn

Poppenesset Inn, New Seabury – almost on the beach, yet covered

Wedgewood Pines, Stow – golf course location on the veranda

Harrington Farm, Princeton – simple and beautiful

Decordova museum, Lincoln – elegant

Stonehurst Estate, Waltham –stately old mansion

Any gazebo -- gazebos are magical places

Any backyard in Massachusetts – especially ours in Littleton by the koi pond and waterfall

Next time – Outdoor Weddings – the good, the bad, and the potentially ugly!

Being a Justice of the Peace

05/24/2011 07:51:00

My friends often ask me, “Why do you do the JP stuff?” My answer is always the same,” What’s not to like.”

I explain that I meet many, many interesting people. I become involved with them at one of the happiest times of their lives and work hard to make certain that their wedding ceremony is special and memorable. I continue to use my skills as a former English teacher and counselor through writing and helping them deal with the stresses that sometimes, unfortunately, accompany wedding planning – more on that in a later post. Finally, I become attached to all the couples that I marry as we share a special time together and I have the privilege to announce that they are married.

Yes, it keeps me busy, often at nights and on the weekends, but the experiences are priceless, the people I meet are wonderful, and the fees I receive enable me to continue to help something I am deeply passionate about – the rescue and adoption of racing greyhounds.

So, what’s not to like?

Weddings With Dogs

05/04/2011 10:14:00

An increasing trend in weddings is to include a beloved pet, especially a dog, in the marriage ceremony. Many people frown on this practice, but I embrace it. I spend my day surrounded by beautiful greyhounds at home and at the kennel -- as I write this two are sleeping at my feet -- and well know the importance that your dog plays in your life. Why not include him or her on your special day?

Some brides and grooms have walked with their dog to the place for the ceremony then handed him off to the best man. Others have had their dog stand near them as they exchanged their vows and rings, and I have even had one of my greyhounds stand in for a dog that could not attend. Either way, the weddings with dogs have been fun, different, and expressed an important value in the bride and groom's lives.

What Goes on at a Meeting Part 2

03/24/2011 08:57:00

The best part of a meeting for me comes at the end. That is when I'll find out about you and your relationship. I'll learn about the journey that has brought you to this exciting time in your lives. I'll try to find out what makes your relationship unique and learn some of the special stories that characterize your relationship. These stories could be about your how you met, your first date, an interesting proposal, or something funny or important that has happened to you together.

I particularly enjoy this aspect of being a Justice of the Peace, for it takes me back to my roots as a counselor, learning and understanding about people. I will take what I learn from you and weave it into three or four paragraphs that will personalize your ceremony and make it truly speak of you and who you are. This will be the only part of the ceremony that I do not show you ahead of time, although it will be in a copy of the complete ceremony that I give you after your are married. I like it to be a small surprise on your wedding day.

The mother of a bride I married said of this part of the ceremony, "It seemed he knew you all your life." That is always my goal, and it will be one of the aspects that will make your ceremony meaningful and memorable.